Dear Michael, I have used all of your advice over the years and have successfully gotten a girlfriend. However, since I am going to graduate soon, I want to take it to the next level. How should I propose marriage to my girlfriend?

– Eager Senior

Dear Eager Senior, proposing can be one of the most stressful moments of your life. Nevertheless, it can also be the most rewarding. You should proceed with caution. Most people tend to overplan their proposal–that is, they do way more than they need to do in order to get their partner to say yes. Most girls would say yes to (almost) any way their boyfriend proposes. However, it is still a very nerve-wracking experience. Cut all of the extra planning and thought and just propose over text. It’s cheaper than a fancy dinner, and way less anxiety-inducing than a traditional face-to-face proposal. Plus, if she says no, no problem! You can move on very easily. Trust me, it’s way easier to face rejection over text.

Dear Michael, I have read all of your advice, and I wonder what will happen after you graduate. I mean, what is EPG going to do without you and your advice?

– Nostalgic Junior

Dear Nostalgic Junior, I read your question, and… to be frank, I don’t know. I know that it sounds unbelievable that I wouldn’t know something, but, the truth is, I don’t know everything. Pretty close, but only God knows everything. I can’t answer your question because, well, I have never been without me. I don’t know what it’s like to not be around me. If I were you, I would cry in despair because that’s what I would do if I wasn’t around me. So, I’m sorry that I can’t fix this one problem.